After a long and seemingly endless winter it’s time for some spring renewal! So today’s Tuesday Topic is all about recovering from winter and embracing spring (even if it doesn’t feel like spring just yet!)
We live in a chronically exhausted, overstimulated world and with most of us facing winter weather well into March… it can be really hard to find the energy to focus on clearing the emotional cobwebs and rediscovering your sense of balance. But it’s time to bounce back from these gray winter days and self-care is the best way to make that happen.
For me travel, time with the people I love, and music are my favorite ways to take care of myself.
Escaping my daily routine and having some fun with my family and friends always helps me get back to my usually sunny disposition. And when I can’t get away… nothing beats a good summer time playlist to pick up my mood! {spoiler alert- next week’s Tuesday Topic will be all about music… stay tuned!}
Now you tell me…
What’s your favorite way to bounce back from a long winter?
Not sure what to do for self-care? Well you can join me on March 30 to learn a simple way of dealing with insomnia, stress, anxiety, and those lingering winter blahs. There’s still time to join me and Annette Keilkopf, LMFT, owner of The Source Yoga, for our special iRest Yoga Nidra workshop in Gainesville, VA.
This easy to learn practice, uniquely unwinds the nervous system, creating a sense of relaxation and calm that you will carry with you throughout the day. Come try it for yourself at our introductory workshop.
We welcome you to come and explore new ways to rest, relax, and rediscover the joy of loving yourself, even in the midst of chaos, stress… or another spring snowstorm.
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Not in the DC metro area but still interested in learning about Yoga Nidra? Check out these free audio downloads to start your practice at home.
This is event is a collaboration between Group Therapy Associates,The Source Yoga of McLean, and Jazzercise Gainesville Center.
Whether you are heading out of town to visit family or they are coming to you, holiday dinners can be both fun and frustrating. So before you head out for Thanksgiving dinner this year I want to you to read Lisa Kift’s tips on learning to soothe yourself in the face of emotional overload.
Her article gives you a simple recipe for reducing cortisol (stress hormone) and increasing oxytocin (the ‘bonding’ hormone)- you might remember these from some vintage {ok…it’s super old} posts I wrote about the power of the 20-second body hug.
Don’t let annoying Uncle Fred or cousin Suzy’s whining triplets get the best of you…. sneak away for a few moments and try Lisa’s self-soothing tips. In 30 seconds you’ll be smiling and ready to face your family and all their quirks.
Kids Under Construction: Social skills for big kids
As we roll past the half way mark for this school quarter, many parents are still wondering how to help their kids be successful this year. While tutors and excellent teaching are certainly helpful, for many kids it’s not the academic challenges that get in the way.
Healthy social support, from parents and friends, can mean the difference between good grades and appropriate behavior or a negative downward spiral for many kids and teens. Despite the many influences in their lives, strong family connections and a fully engaged parent are still at the top of list when it comes to helping children reach their full potential.
But keeping up with kids emotional and social needs can be hard work and a little overwhelming sometimes. Below you’ll see a checklist of small steps you can take daily, weekly, and monthly to stay connected no matter how busy your schedules.
While we love this checklist, we also know that some kids need a little more support than others. It might be because of changing or stressful family dynamics like illness or divorce {or this crazy government shutdown!} or your child may just move a little slower than their peers- either way we have some solutions.
Our new Kids Under Construction class offers a 6-week class series to help kids in 2nd -5th grade build their social skills, manage their emotions, and grow more confident in their abilities. And we include lots of support and resources for parents along the way. Tomorrow is the last day of our Early Bird Registration deal {you can save $70!} so sign up now.
{you can also scroll all the way down to register right from this page}
And if you’ve got a teen, check out our ongoing monthly Teen Talk class. It’s the next level of social skills, giving teenagers a forum to talk about their stress and feelings in a safe environment. And we work on building better communication skills to help them succeed at home and school.
If you’re looking for something to put into action today, check out our Busy Parent’s Checklist below.
Although originally designed with teenagers in mind, the checklist below is a great way for parents with children of all ages to stay connected and continue to foster a strong relationship. Check it out and then tell us in the comments about the special tricks you’ve learned to stay connected and keep the communication open with your kids & teens.
The Busy Parent’s Checklist
{This list is adapted from Navigating the Teen Years a publication by SAMHSA}
THINGS TO DO DAILY
Know your teen’s main activities and plans for the day.
Know where your teens are when you are at work or not otherwise with them, and who they are likely to be with.
If appropriate for that day, remind your teen about relevant rules.
At the end of the day, ask about your teen’s activities.
Praise and thank your teen for good behavior.
Check that homework and other responsibilities have been completed.
Try to have family meals together or engage in a family activity on a regular basis.
THINGS TO DO WEEKLY
Take some time to check in with each child. Set 20 minutes aside to find out how friendships are going, what’s happening at school and what other events are important in your teen’s life.
Ask your teen mid-week if there are any special plans for the weekend that require your input. Do this early to avoid last-minute conflict.
Every once in a while, check that your teens are where they say they are going to be.
Encourage your teen to have a friend over or engage in fun activities together.
Remind your teen about weekday/weekend rules when appropriate.
THINGS TO DO MONTHLY
Make sure you’ve had at least a couple of individual activities or outings with your teen.
Check the temperature of your relationship. How are things going?
Check in with your teen to see what has taken up his or her time and interest this month, and discuss it. Ask if there’s anything you can do to help.
Make sure you’ve followed through on any recent promises to your teen.
Plan one special family event or activity. Try to do things that your teen enjoy.
Get a report from teachers on your teen’s school progress; most schools allow you to do this online now. Check in with coaches or a guidance counselor about extracurricular activities.
Take a monitoring inventory. Who has your teen been spending time with? What has he been doing? What have they been spending their money on? Follow up on any red flags or concerns.
Stay up-to-date on news and trends among teens in the area. Talk with other parents and discuss concerns with your kids. Check with local youth organizations to find out about problems in your community.
Check in with your teens about rules. If they’ve been doing well, then be flexible and reward them in meaningful ways. When your teens are ready, allow them more freedoms.
Don’t forget to sign up for Kids Under Construction or Teen Talk today! You and your child will be glad that you did.
Kids Under Construction for 4th & 5th Graders (scroll down for other age groups)
Kids Under Construction for 2nd & 3rd Graders
Teen Talk Monthly Classes
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Below is a old post from waaay back in our early days of blogging… it may be old but the same rules apply when it comes to teens & sleep so I’m re-posting today. I’d love to hear if you all have found any new tricks for managing sleep routines in your house- leave your comments below!
It’s always a hard call each Saturday morning as my kids snuggle into their blankets and try to shut out the morning sun- do I wake them or let them enjoy a few more hours of weekend sleep? I often reminisce on my own teenage years, sleeping till noon or even 2pm on weekends… how I used to enjoy those lazy days. But as I look at my own kids I can’t help but think of recent studies that I have read on adolescent sleep. Turns out the those days of “catching up” on my sleep as a kid were not such a great idea. Allowing our kids to sleep in late on the weekend actually makes it harder for them to get up on Monday mornings… and let’s not even talk about what a whole summer of sleeping in does!
In fact there is a lot of interesting new research on adolescent sleep. For instance, did you know that those late night hours that your teenager is keeping may actually be the result of a shift in their biological clock? Mary Carskadon at Brown University has done some enlightening work that suggests somewhere around the beginning of adolescence (researchers generally consider adolescence as ages 11-20) our internal circadian rhythm (i.e. sleep clock) moves back, making our bodies perk up during the late evening, just when parents are trying to get kids to go to bed!
I’ve written an article for Associated Content on this research- you can find it here. It includes some useful tips on helping kids get to sleep and helping them establish good “sleep habits” that will last a lifetime. For example, in spite of the fond memories of my own Saturdays sleeping till noon, it really is best to encourage our kids to keep a relatively consistent sleep schedule. That means waking up those sleepy heads within 2-3 hours of their usual wake up time for school.
Here are a few more suggestions:
Take your teenager back to their early childhood with audiobooks. Using audiobooks to lull yourself to sleep can help teens focus on something relaxing and begin to shut down their thoughts. With the academic challenges and many peer dramas that usually accompany middle and high school, having a tool to help turn off racing minds can go a long way to getting some rest.
Use light to signal the body that sleep is coming. While researchers are finding that during adolescence our sleep patterns are less reactive to light, it still triggers our brain to know when its time for sleep. Try to have your child turn off all but 1 lamp in their room (or wherever they are) about an hour before bed. Turn off TVs and computers as the flickering light from them can really disrupt the bodies signals to begin relaxing.
You can also use light to help wake up grumpy teens for school. I have used an automatic timer (the kind you might get for your Christmas tree lights) for years. It turns on a lamp in my kid’s room about 20 minutes before their alarm goes off easing the transition from deep sleep to waking. The artificial light helps to signal that morning is here and begins to rouse their sleeping bodies. It’s an especially useful trick in winter months when many kids need to be awake, dressed, and heading to the school bus before the sun is up!
Try these tips and tell me what you think. Or do you have your own tips on helping kids (and adults) get better sleep or wake up happier in the morning? Tell us all about it in the comments!
Want more support for your teen this school year? Sign up for our Teen Talk Class- each month is a new topic so join us every month as we explore everything from healthy habits to dating to dealing with parents and school. Our next class is October 1.
Don’t forget tonight is Q & A with GTA. Join us live at 9pm EST – we want to hear what’s on your mind.
This week was back-to-school night for my kids. Another year of me wandering the halls trying to find classrooms to hear teachers talk about their plans for the year.
Inevitably every teacher I met talked about success- how to help your child succeed in their class; what it means to successfully complete a project; or how to help your kid change course when they seem to be headed away from academic success.
All this talk about “success” got me thinking… what does it really mean to be succeed?
Sure there are some clear cut standards of success at school. Grades and awards seem to clearly define who’s doing a good job. But as anyone who’s left high school knows, that’s not really an accurate measure of life success. In your professional life salaries and promotions may replace grades and accolades but for most of adults, these are not enough to genuinely feel success. Far too often I talk to people who have all the outward signs of a successful life- a nice car, a big house, a seemingly happy family, a good paying job- and yet there is a nagging feeling of inadequacy and sometimes even failure.
That got me thinking about how I believe in defining success. As a writer and therapist, I’ve come to appreciate commitment to the process, be it writing a new article or working through a therapeutic issue, as the true measure of success.
It is a success when a client who has been struggling with abuse finally feels safe enough to discuss it in session.
It is a success when a couple is able to finally put into words the hurt or anger that has been eating away at their relationship.
It is a success when we can take a child with academic issues and finally uncover the learning disabilities that are holding them back.
These are moments that are rarely filled with joy and yet there is no denying that they are successes. They are opportunities to change a situation or in some cases just alter one’s perception of a situation and that is ultimately the goal of therapy and coaching.
Often when we look for our successes we look for tangible goals or external rewards and praise. At work you may feel success when you are given a promotion or move on to a job with a big new salary. At school our children find success in grades and accolades from teachers or peers. And even in my own life outside of therapy I can get caught up looking for external validation for my success whether that means having a new article published or having our practice recognized in the community.
But that’s not where real success lies; and it is at those times that I remind myself of the words I often share with my clients…
Success is in the process not the final destination.
It is in the small steps, the everyday victories that bring us closer to the people we love or help us to recover from the challenges of life that we find our real triumphs. In fact the act of engaging in some kind of personal growth process- be it therapy, coaching, a self-help book or class- is in itself a success because it means you have taken a courageous first step toward healing a relationship or living your life differently.
Each time you try a new skill or approach a problem with a new perspective you have succeeded in taking action to make your life a little better. Each of these small steps add up until before you know it you have transformed yourself, your relationships, and your life.
A couple weeks ago I wrote a post all about helping your child get ready to go back to school. Now that the time is finally here, I have a message just for you parents. Especially the ones who tend to forget themselves in the process. Kids going back to school means you go back to school too, at least with regard to the routine and helping with homework, oh, and possibly providing transportation.
Okay, let’s just agree that like it or not- you’re relegated to school as well.
So, there are things that you can do to transition from summertime to school time, some of which may sound familiar.
Eat energy foods
Ensure you get enough sleep
Drink plenty of water
Try to do some form of physical exercise.
By virtue of doing these four things your stress level can be greatly decreased. Yes, I know life is busy but maybe you can entertain the idea of having some compassion for yourself. I mean give yourself a break, if last year didn’t go so well maybe this year will.
And, allow at least the first two weeks of school to really begin to settle into the new routine. Even if you “practiced” getting ready over the last few weeks of summer, the actual transition into the school year routine still takes some getting used to. Get yourself mentally ready for the unpredictable- whether it’s going to be a phone call from a teacher or the nurse, or your young one magically having some kind of ache or pain on the first day. This way, if nothing happens it’ll be a nice surprise but if something throws a wrench into your routine, it won’t be so unexpected.
And just like you did for the kids… plan a last hoorah for yourself. It could be a spa day, massage, girls/guys night out or just a day to yourself to do nothing. And in planning this last hoorah be sure it includes an opportunity to surround yourself with supportive people. There’s nothing like being in the company of someone who cares about you and is willing to let you vent.
{can’t remember the last time you focused on you? check out our upcoming More than a Mom class and let us help you rediscover yourself. Our next class is September 16- click here to register now.}
The first day back to school can be daunting. It is as much the first day back for the child as it is for the parent. Get ready, ease yourself into it adopt the attitude that whatever’s going to happen will happen. Embrace the notion that your little ones are growing up and so are you. This is yet another stepping stone in their lives. Breathe and remember, the first day back to school only happens once a year!
