when do you let sleeping kids lie…

Below is a old post from waaay back in our early days of blogging… it may be old but the same rules apply when it comes to teens & sleep so I’m re-posting today.  I’d love to hear if you all have found any new tricks for managing sleep routines in your house- leave your comments below! :-)

It’s always  a hard call each Saturday morning as my kids snuggle into their blankets and try to shut out the morning sun- do I wake them or let them enjoy a few more hours of weekend sleep?  I often reminisce on my own teenage years, sleeping till noon or even 2pm on weekends… how I used to enjoy those lazy days.  But as I look at my own kids I can’t help but think of recent studies that I have read on adolescent sleep.  Turns out the those days of “catching up” on my sleep as a kid were not such a great idea.  Allowing our kids to sleep in late on the weekend actually makes it harder for them to get up on Monday mornings… and let’s not even talk about what a whole summer of sleeping in does!

 

In fact there is a lot of interesting new research on adolescent sleep.  For instance, did you know that those late night hours that your teenager is keeping may actually be the result of a shift in their biological clock?  Mary Carskadon at Brown University has done some enlightening work that suggests somewhere around the beginning of adolescence (researchers generally consider adolescence as ages 11-20) our internal circadian rhythm (i.e. sleep clock) moves back, making our bodies perk up during the late evening, just when parents are trying to get kids to go to bed!

 

I’ve written an article for Associated Content on this research- you can find it here.  It includes some useful tips on helping kids get to sleep and helping them establish good “sleep habits” that will last a lifetime.  For example, in spite of the fond memories of my own Saturdays sleeping till noon, it really is best to encourage our kids to keep a relatively consistent sleep schedule.  That means waking up those sleepy heads within  2-3 hours of their usual wake up time for school.

 

Here are a few  more suggestions:

  • Take your teenager back to their early childhood with audiobooks.  Using audiobooks to lull yourself to sleep can help teens focus on something relaxing and begin to shut down their thoughts.  With the academic challenges and many peer dramas that usually accompany middle and high school, having a tool to help turn off racing minds can go a long way to getting some rest.
  • Use light to signal the body that sleep is coming.  While researchers are finding that during adolescence our sleep patterns are less reactive to light, it still triggers our brain to know when its time for sleep.  Try to have your child turn off all but 1 lamp in their room (or wherever they are) about an hour before bed.  Turn off TVs and computers as the flickering light from them can really disrupt the bodies signals to begin relaxing.
  • You can also use light to help wake up grumpy teens for school.  I have used an automatic timer (the kind you might get for your Christmas tree lights) for years.  It turns on a lamp in my kid’s room about 20 minutes before their alarm goes off easing the transition from deep sleep to waking.  The artificial light helps to signal that morning is here and begins to rouse their sleeping bodies.  It’s an especially useful trick in winter months when many kids need to be awake, dressed, and heading to the school bus before the sun is up!

Try these tips and tell me what you think.  Or do you have your own tips on helping kids (and adults) get better sleep or wake up happier in the morning?  Tell us all about it in the comments!

Want more support for your teen this school year?  Sign up for our Teen Talk Class- each month is a new topic so join us every month as we explore everything from healthy habits to dating to dealing with parents and school.  Our next class is October 1.


Don’t forget tonight is Q & A with GTA.  Join us live at 9pm EST – we want to hear what’s on your mind.

couples couch

a summer challenge for couples- do you dare? {flashback friday}

Just to confirm our commitment to the power of vulnerability and love of Brene Brown’s reserach, this week’s Flashback Friday is all about laying down your emotional armor and taking a chance to let love in. 


For most of us, relationships start out lovingly… date nights, hand-holding, whispers of sweet nothings in your ear. And then one day you wake up and find that what was once a gentle nurturing garden has turned into guerrilla warfare with each of you strategically planning the next jab or figuring out new ways to protect your vulnerabilities.

Even in a “good” relationship, partners often find that over time they have begun to craft armor to protect their softest spots. Often our requests for connection and intimacy get lost in sharp tones and indirect messages because we are too afraid, or so out of touch with, our true emotions.

Careless comments, busy schedules, and changing life circumstances make it so easy for couples to fall into a pattern of negativity and failed attempts at emotional connection. The challenge to maintaining a strong emotional bond is to allow yourself to be vulnerable with the person who knows how to hurt you the most.

The more we love someone, the greater the impact of their words and actions on our sense of self.   {<– tweetable}

Yet so often in relationships we underestimate the power we have over each other, we begin to wonder if the other person is hearing us or even cares about our opinion. As courtship fades and we slip into the sometimes monotonous routine of daily life, we forget to be gentle with each other and before you know it we have saved the worst part of ourselves for the people whom we love the most.

But it doesn’t have to be that way.

We can learn to lay down our armor and open ourselves up to our partners again. It takes great courage to put away your shield and let your partner see your most vulnerable side. Instead of snapping when your significant other doesn’t make it home in time for dinner, ask yourself, “what I am I really feeling right now?” Are you irritated by their “selfishness” or are you really just disappointed because you were looking forward to sharing some time together?

When you shut down during an argument, ask yourself why. Maybe it’s not because you are “too angry” but because you are scared that one day these arguments will end with someone walking out the door. These are examples of the emotions that we are hiding behind our armor. These are the feelings that when acknowledged, help to bring us closer together.

This week I challenge to put down your armor. I know that it is not easy. There are going to be times that your loved one is so hidden behind their own layers of protection that they can’t even see that you are opening your heart to them. They will say things and do things that disappoint and hurt you. But in time, as you work to let them closer to your heart, they will also learn to lay down their armor. And it is in the moments when we are least protected that we are able to feel the most loved.

the one thing you need more of in your life {flashback friday}

let's have some funI can say with confidence that most adults reading this are in need of one thing to make themselves and those around them happier… PLAY!

That’s right, play. While you may think I’m being silly or that the arrival of summer vacation has got me slacking off, the truth is that play is something that is crucial to our overall well-being.  Play is a vital part of not only a healthy lifestyle but healthy relationships as well.

So with the kids and teachers finally out of school and the DC summer heat in full swing… I am encouraging you all to check out the post below and then go out and play this weekend. Trust me, it’s exactly what you need this weekend.

{I had a blast last spring giving a workshop on the value of play for kids and adults- if you’re interested in learning more, leave a note in the comments below. Maybe we’ll plan a live chat for later this month to talk more about the research and the ways you can bring more playfulness into your life.}



I’m on my way over to Sport and Health in Gainesville to host our workshop on Play and Fitness… such a fun topic! Playing is so often treated as something frivolous or a treat to be ‘allowed’ after you have worked hard. But play is crucial to the development of our children and our own emotional and physical well-being. I hope to see many of you at the workshop today but in case you can’t make it I wanted to share a great video  of Stuart Brown of the Institute for Play talking about the real importance of play. {side note: I love TED Talks- what an awesome resource!}  It’s totally worth the 20 minutes of your time… and when you’re done get out there and play this weekend!

Some Key Thoughts on Play:

  • Humans are designed to play for a lifetime- play is NOT just for kids
  • The opposite of play is not work, it’s usually depression.
  • Play lights up the brain- it builds neural pathways that help us with everything from emotional regulation to learning to physical coordination and problem solving.
  • Play is a natural way to bring more mindfulness into your life- it’s one of a few activities that encourages us to focus on the moment.

 

Is your relationship 'normal'? A new book may have the answer…

The Normal Bar

Have you ever wondered if your relationship is normal? Are you as happy or unhappy in your relationship as everyone else? What is the normal amount of arguing couples do a month, a week, a day? What is the main stressor in relationships? How often do couples have sex? How many of us are in a fulfilling, loving relationship? Well…The Normal Bar, written by Chrisanna Northrup, Pepper Schwatrz, PhD, and James Witte, PhD, gives us a peek into the lives of nearly 100,000 respondents who reveal what “normal” behavior among happy and not so happy couples looks like.

The Normal BarThe book is loaded with unexpected details, which may surprise you. For example, the survey found men want romance more than women and the number one thing men wanted from their partner was…communication. Who knew?

According to 28% of the guys polled, “their partners just don’t talk or listen to them attentively enough.” How often do couples kiss passionately or not kiss passionately? Among men and women who are unhappy in their relationships, over half reported rarely or never kiss passionately, compared to only 26% of those who are happy in their relationship. The majority (58%) of people who are happy share a passionate kiss several times a week.

You will find many, many more interesting statistics within this book. But, the question still remains… how do we obtain a healthy and happy relationship? Since the number one thing couples say they want in their relationship is better communication let’s start there.

The authors provide helpful communication techniques and tools to help strengthen relationships, which you can try at home. Here are the High Five! rules discussed in the book:

Step 1- Both partners think of five passions, activities, or interests that they need in their life to be happy (they should not include their partner or children.) Share the lists with your partner and talk about them. This exercise is to understand and respect what your partner needs to be happy.

Step 2-Next prioritize the top five things their partner could do to make them happy.

Step 3- One person describes his or her number one request while the other partner listens.

Step 4- Without responding to the request, the other partner describes their number one request.

Step 5- Without criticizing each other’s requests, both partners negotiate a deal through trading or compromise that will allow them to honor and meet each other’s request.

Tell us what you think. Have you read The Normal Bar yet? What do you think of their findings… do you think your relationship is “normal”? We would love to hear your thoughts on the book and the idea that there is a “normal” relationship standard.

Want to hear from the author herself? Check out this video from Rock Center with Brian Williams

Date Night Dare: Practice your ABC {Always Be Curious}

Week 2 Sexy Couples Holiday Challenge

ABC- Always Be Closing

It’s a sales mantra that many highly successful business people live by.  In each interaction with clients or customers they are looking to understand their needs and find ways that their product or service can fill those needs.  They are always “on”, always trying to find the connection that will help close the deal and lead to success.  It may sound exhausting but what these men and women know is that if their primary goal is to close business and be successful then that is where they need to focus their attention.  Sometimes it’s a lot of work but it’s always worth it to stay on track with their goals.

The same can be said about relationships and so this week we are going to take the ABC of sales and turn it on romance…

This week’s Date Night Dare is

to learn something new about your partner and practice your ABC {Always Be Curious}

This week we have focused on communication and allowing our partner to be an influence in our lives.  One of the challenges to really listening and acting on our loved one’s thoughts and feelings is that often as relationships grow we begin to assume that we know what they want/think/feel even better than they do.

It’s true, over time in a close relationship it is easy to know much of what your partner is feeling.  It is one of the nice things about being in a relationship- feeling known and understood.  But this feeling can sometimes lead us to neglect all the parts of our partner that are growing and changing.  Preferences, goals, worries, and even thoughts and feelings change as time goes by and it’s up to each partner to make it a priority to continue to learn new things about each other.

Whether you take a cooking class to learn a new cuisine or go somewhere new together or you stay home and just talk over a quiet dinner- remember your ABC this week.  Be curious about who your significant other is and who they are becoming.  Is there something new they’ve been wanting to try but were afraid to ask you about?  Is there a book or movie you’ve wanted to share but didn’t know if they’d like it?  What’s happening at work or with friends and family?  Find out. You can use John Gottman’s Love Map questions to help spark your curiosity {they even have a phone app}

Be sure to come back and share your date night adventure with us in the comments below.  We can’t wait to hear what new and wonderful things you discover together.

Read More…

Mindfulness & Parenting: a workshop at The Yoga Connection

Mindfulness meditation is at the forefront of many of today’s wellness and parenting research trends, but what’s it really about?  Come and find out a little more about how mindfulness meditation can help you reduce stress, be more attuned, and get more joy out of parenting.  In this workshop we will explore the ways in which you can use mindful awareness to increase empathy and compassion in your daily interactions with your child. We’ll talk about what mindfulness is and isn’t and learn a few practical ways to use it to tune into your children and manage parenting stress more effectively.

The workshop will be held at The Yoga Connection in Old Town Manassas on Saturday, September 29 at 1pm.  The cost is $30/person and you can register online via The Yoga Connection website.  We look forward to seeing you there.parenting workshop at The Yoga Connection

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