when do you let sleeping kids lie…

September 25, 2013 • Family Stuff, parenting, Parenting and Family Life, Research & Trends in Mental Health, Teenagers • by
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Below is a old post from waaay back in our early days of blogging… it may be old but the same rules apply when it comes to teens & sleep so I’m re-posting today.  I’d love to hear if you all have found any new tricks for managing sleep routines in your house- leave your comments below! :-)

It’s always  a hard call each Saturday morning as my kids snuggle into their blankets and try to shut out the morning sun- do I wake them or let them enjoy a few more hours of weekend sleep?  I often reminisce on my own teenage years, sleeping till noon or even 2pm on weekends… how I used to enjoy those lazy days.  But as I look at my own kids I can’t help but think of recent studies that I have read on adolescent sleep.  Turns out the those days of “catching up” on my sleep as a kid were not such a great idea.  Allowing our kids to sleep in late on the weekend actually makes it harder for them to get up on Monday mornings… and let’s not even talk about what a whole summer of sleeping in does!

 

In fact there is a lot of interesting new research on adolescent sleep.  For instance, did you know that those late night hours that your teenager is keeping may actually be the result of a shift in their biological clock?  Mary Carskadon at Brown University has done some enlightening work that suggests somewhere around the beginning of adolescence (researchers generally consider adolescence as ages 11-20) our internal circadian rhythm (i.e. sleep clock) moves back, making our bodies perk up during the late evening, just when parents are trying to get kids to go to bed!

 

I’ve written an article for Associated Content on this research- you can find it here.  It includes some useful tips on helping kids get to sleep and helping them establish good “sleep habits” that will last a lifetime.  For example, in spite of the fond memories of my own Saturdays sleeping till noon, it really is best to encourage our kids to keep a relatively consistent sleep schedule.  That means waking up those sleepy heads within  2-3 hours of their usual wake up time for school.

 

Here are a few  more suggestions:

  • Take your teenager back to their early childhood with audiobooks.  Using audiobooks to lull yourself to sleep can help teens focus on something relaxing and begin to shut down their thoughts.  With the academic challenges and many peer dramas that usually accompany middle and high school, having a tool to help turn off racing minds can go a long way to getting some rest.
  • Use light to signal the body that sleep is coming.  While researchers are finding that during adolescence our sleep patterns are less reactive to light, it still triggers our brain to know when its time for sleep.  Try to have your child turn off all but 1 lamp in their room (or wherever they are) about an hour before bed.  Turn off TVs and computers as the flickering light from them can really disrupt the bodies signals to begin relaxing.
  • You can also use light to help wake up grumpy teens for school.  I have used an automatic timer (the kind you might get for your Christmas tree lights) for years.  It turns on a lamp in my kid’s room about 20 minutes before their alarm goes off easing the transition from deep sleep to waking.  The artificial light helps to signal that morning is here and begins to rouse their sleeping bodies.  It’s an especially useful trick in winter months when many kids need to be awake, dressed, and heading to the school bus before the sun is up!

Try these tips and tell me what you think.  Or do you have your own tips on helping kids (and adults) get better sleep or wake up happier in the morning?  Tell us all about it in the comments!

Want more support for your teen this school year?  Sign up for our Teen Talk Class- each month is a new topic so join us every month as we explore everything from healthy habits to dating to dealing with parents and school.  Our next class is October 1.

Don’t forget tonight is Q & A with GTA.  Join us live at 9pm EST – we want to hear what’s on your mind.

Aaarg, it’s back to school time already? | part 2 ~ the parent’s edition

August 30, 2013 • Family Stuff, parenting, Parenting and Family Life, Self Care Is Sexy, Teenagers, Teens • by
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Hispanic family eating breakfastA couple weeks ago I wrote a post all about helping your child get ready to go back to school.  Now that the time is finally here, I have a message just for you parents.  Especially the ones who tend to forget themselves in the process.  Kids going back to school means you go back to school too, at least with regard to the routine and helping with homework, oh, and possibly providing transportation.

 

Okay, let’s just agree that like it or not- you’re relegated to school as well.

 

So, there are things that you can do to transition from summertime to school time, some of which may sound familiar.

  1. Eat energy foods
  2. Ensure you get enough sleep
  3. Drink plenty of water
  4. Try to do some form of physical exercise.

By virtue of doing these four things your stress level can be greatly decreased.  Yes, I know life is busy but maybe you can entertain the idea of having some compassion for yourself.  I mean give yourself a break, if last year didn’t go so well maybe this year will.

 

And, allow at least the first two weeks of school to really begin to settle into the new routine.  Even if you “practiced” getting ready over the last few weeks of summer, the actual transition into the school year routine still takes some getting used to.  Get yourself mentally ready for the unpredictable- whether it’s going to be a phone call from a teacher or the nurse, or your young one magically having some kind of ache or pain on the first day.  This way, if nothing happens it’ll be a nice surprise but if something throws a wrench into your routine, it won’t be so unexpected.

 

And just like you did for the kids… plan a last hoorah for yourself.  It could be a spa day, massage, girls/guys night out or just a day to yourself to do nothing.  And in planning this last hoorah be sure it includes an opportunity to surround yourself with supportive people.  There’s nothing like being in the company of someone who cares about you and is willing to let you vent.

{can’t remember the last time you focused on you?  check out our upcoming More than a Mom class and let us help you rediscover yourself.  Our next class is September 16- click here to register now.}

 

The first day back to school can be daunting.  It is as much the first day back for the child as it is for the parent.  Get ready, ease yourself into it adopt the attitude that whatever’s going to happen will happen. Embrace the notion that your little ones are growing up and so are you.  This is yet another stepping stone in their lives.  Breathe and remember, the first day back to school only happens once a year!

Aaarg, it’s back to school time already?

August 16, 2013 • Family Stuff, parenting, Parenting and Family Life • by
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little girl in classroomAt least that’s what the kids are saying.   Summertime is the time to live footloose and fancy free…spend time with friends, hang out, go to parties, and eat pizza.  For some, it’s an opportunity to finally get up the nerve to ask that boy or girl out, drive anywhere else but school or, get their first summer job.

 

But no sooner than when the fun begins, we see the back to school commercials on TV, on the radio and in stores.  An annoying reminder of what’s coming next.

 

But don’t despair, there are some simple things that parents can do to help with the transition.

 

They can start by reintroducing energy foods back into their kids’ diets. This way, their bodies can start to readjust to the cafeteria food that they’ll be eating.

 

Just about a week or two before school starts, depending on the youngster, have them practice waking up at the time they usually do for school.  If they have a summertime commitment then have them pack their (book) bags and pick out clothes the night before.

 

If an after school activity is a thought for the school year then get them involved now, either through the school or rec leagues, so that they can get a feel for it or improve for try outs.

 

Encourage them to do Math and/or read daily.  It’ll be a challenge but they can lose some of their skills over the summer.  Set up a reward system or help your child rediscover the joy of reading for FUN- it’ll help when school starts and they have to read what’s assigned.

 

If the child has been having difficulty in school academically then getting a tutor beforehand would be advised. There’s nothing like starting of the year in a one down position or feeling like a failure.  Try to design your ‘Good Grades Plan.’  This is the plan where rewards for good grades are clarified so that your child knows what to expect, as well as consequences for the contrary.

 

If there were emotional and behavior problems during last school year, then seeking professional help from a therapist, psychologist or psychiatrist would be the way to go now.  Don’t forget to include a plan to consult with the school’s Guidance Counselor, preferably before school starts. {looking for some extra support through the school year? check out our monthly classes for teens & parents!}

 

Check to make sure that you’ve scheduled a medical appointment for a physical and have your pediatrician complete any medical forms that the school nurse or afterschool care facility might need.  And that goes for filling prescriptions too, now is the time to call them in.

 

You can think about having a date with your child to casually talk about their anticipation of the upcoming school year.  Sometimes they’re completely stoked and sometimes there’s fear, anxiety, sadness, or even confusion.  Not all kids are forthcoming so I’ll issue a warning; the older the child the less time they’ll spend talking to you on this subject.  But don’t worry, you don’t need a lot of time to still have quality conversation with them.  To help the process you can go to an ice cream parlor, coffee shop, restaurant, nail salon; basically any place that facilitates conversation, especially if it’s a place they like.

 

Finally, plan a last hoorah for the youngster whether it be a back to school party, sleepover, major hang out with friends at your house or a trip to a theme park.  It would not only be a clear demarcation that summer is over but a celebration of its culmination.  End summer on high note and let those good feelings float into the new school year!

How to get unstuck, meditating with Oprah, & other Monday morning updates

August 12, 2013 • Couples, GTA Services & Events, Health Resources, parenting, Parenting and Family Life, Teenagers, Teens, Uncategorized • by
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Happy Monday everybody!

Although things have been a little quiet over here on the blog, we’ve been as busy as usual behind the scenes.  I’m really excited to get back into a regular routine on the blog and start hearing from all of you much more often.  In that spirit I thought I’d start this week catching you up on what we’ve been doing with some fun and interesting updates…

5 questions to help you get unstuck…

I’m excited to share my (Esther) first article for MindBodyGreen.com with you.  If you’re looking for a site with a positive and holistic approach towards wellness, then this is a great place to start.  With articles ranging from recipes to tips for finding great doctors, to improving (or starting) your yoga practice, MindBodyGreen.com has a wealth of information.  Wondering where to start?  How about my brand new article on how to go from feeling stagnant to moving full speed ahead in 5 easy steps!  Check it out and then leave your comments, I’d love to hear what you think.

 

Q & A with GTA…

2 weeks ago we had  our first session of Q & A with GTA via spreecast.  In spite of a few technical glitches along the way, it was so much fun!  Llouana and I had a fantastic time chatting with everyone about everything from dealing with teenagers at home to managing anxiety, and making time to play!  We hope that more of you will join us at the next session on Wednesday, August 28 at 9pmEST.  This is an invitation only event so be sure to subscribe to our list if you haven’t already.  And if you want to check out last months discussion just visit our channel on Spreecast.

 

Meditating with Oprah & Deepak…

On a personal note I wanted to let you all know that I am doing the 21-day Mediation Challenge sponsored by Oprah & Deepak Chopra and it’s fantastic!  I’ve felt everything from alert and exhilarated to downright tearful through the first week of guided meditations but it’s all been a positive growing experience.  The theme is Miraculous Relationships and you know that at GTA we are all about building healthy relationships.  If you are interested in trying meditation or are looking for a way to gain a new perspective on your relationships, sign up now.  If you are already doing the challenge let me know how it’s going in the comments below.

Fall Classes at GTA…

For all of our locally based clients, be sure to check out our new class schedules.  We have new dates scheduled for our parenting, teens, and couples classes from now all the way until January 2014!  We are excited to shake things up in our Teen Talk class by now offering specific themes each month.  Take one class or take them all… we promise to help your adolescent develop the communication and self-care skills needed to succeed this year.

And if you live outside of the DC metro area, be sure to let us know which classes you are interested in.  Many of our most popular in-person classes will be launching as online programs in the coming months.  Stay tuned and don’t forget to join our list so you can be the first to know about new programs and get our best pricing!

 

Now that we got you up to date on a few things happening here at GTA, tell us what’s happening in your corner of the world?

the one thing you need more of in your life {flashback friday}

June 21, 2013 • Family Stuff, GTA Services & Events, parenting, Parenting and Family Life, Research & Trends in Mental Health, Stress and Relaxation • by
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let's have some funI can say with confidence that most adults reading this are in need of one thing to make themselves and those around them happier… PLAY!

That’s right, play. While you may think I’m being silly or that the arrival of summer vacation has got me slacking off, the truth is that play is something that is crucial to our overall well-being.  Play is a vital part of not only a healthy lifestyle but healthy relationships as well.

So with the kids and teachers finally out of school and the DC summer heat in full swing… I am encouraging you all to check out the post below and then go out and play this weekend. Trust me, it’s exactly what you need this weekend.

{I had a blast last spring giving a workshop on the value of play for kids and adults- if you’re interested in learning more, leave a note in the comments below. Maybe we’ll plan a live chat for later this month to talk more about the research and the ways you can bring more playfulness into your life.}

I’m on my way over to Sport and Health in Gainesville to host our workshop on Play and Fitness… such a fun topic! Playing is so often treated as something frivolous or a treat to be ‘allowed’ after you have worked hard. But play is crucial to the development of our children and our own emotional and physical well-being. I hope to see many of you at the workshop today but in case you can’t make it I wanted to share a great video  of Stuart Brown of the Institute for Play talking about the real importance of play. {side note: I love TED Talks- what an awesome resource!}  It’s totally worth the 20 minutes of your time… and when you’re done get out there and play this weekend!

Some Key Thoughts on Play:

  • Humans are designed to play for a lifetime- play is NOT just for kids
  • The opposite of play is not work, it’s usually depression.
  • Play lights up the brain- it builds neural pathways that help us with everything from emotional regulation to learning to physical coordination and problem solving.
  • Play is a natural way to bring more mindfulness into your life- it’s one of a few activities that encourages us to focus on the moment.

 

are you listening to me?!? {flashback friday}

June 7, 2013 • conflict resolution, Couples, Marriage, parenting, Parenting and Family Life • by
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Father and teenage sonIn our second installment of Flashback Fridays we are going to revisit some thoughts on what it means to truly listen.

Although this post was originally about the importance of listening and being heard in romantic relationships it is a key component to a happy coexistence with your tweens & teens!  Often as parents we get so stuck in our role as authority figure that we forget that as kids grow they need to be allowed some opportunities to influence the decisions that are made for and about them.

Read today’s flashback post and think about it from the perspective of a teenager- how can you allow your teen (or whoever is important in your life) a chance to truly feel that their opinion matters?  Then test it out and tell us in the comments how this shift in communication impacted your relationship.

One of the most common conflicts I see in couples  is miscommunication.  In my personal and professional life I see and hear examples daily of couples and families struggle to really be heard by one another.

It seems like such a simple thing, just be quiet and listen, maybe repeat back what was said and then magically everyone will feel as though they’ve been heard and communication will become effortless… right?  Well not really.

Even with the best communication skills in place, many of us struggle with the less tangible but more important issue of emotional validation.  When we talk with one another we are not only looking for the other person to listen and respond verbally but more often than not we are looking for them to be influenced by our words and feelings.  We want the people closest to us to let us know that what we say has value and impact on their interactions with us.

John Gottman (one of the leading marriage researchers in the country) refers to this as “willingness to to accept influence” and found that while important for both partners it was particularly important for husbands.  In fact husband’s who were unwilling to be influenced by their wives and effectively share power was a significant predictor for unhappy marriages and even divorce.

This doesn’t mean that as couples (or parents) we must bend with the whims of our partner (or children).  What it does mean is that when we enter into a conversation, we should do so with an open mind and willingness to allow our initial opinion or decision to be influenced by the opinions and feelings of those closest to us.  Interestingly enough I came across an excellent quote from Alan Alda that sums up what we should all learn about effective communication:

“Real listening is a willingness to let the other person change you.   When I’m willing to let them change me, something happens between us  that’s more interesting than a pair of dueling monologues.”

So go out today with an open-mind and see what amazing things happen we you are ready to changed by the words of  another.

Interested in learning more about improving communication?  Sign up for one of our summer classes.
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