Want a better relationship? Show up and be consistentThis weekend I saw the movie That Awkward Moment and it was great.  At least I thought it was great but I am a lover of romantic comedies and chick flicks in general.  No matter how cheesy  or predictable, I can always find some nugget of inspiration or image of relationship dynamics at work.

And this movie was no different.  I won’t spoil it for those of you who haven’t gotten to the theater yet but I will quote Zac Efron…

Relationships are about showing up when it’s hard to.

I know, it’s a seriously cheesy line.  And yet so true.  I would add that it’s not enough to show up but that a really meaningful relationship is about showing up consistently.  To build trust and connection we have to be present on a regular basis with the ones we love.  I know this to be true in romantic relationships.  And it is especially true for parents with their children and even with our friends.


And it’s true if I want to build a relationship with you, my wonderful blog reader.


It’s been hard to show up consistently and share my thoughts and insights with you all.  Not because I don’t want to or don’t care if you read but because life gets busy.


And in blogging, as it is with all relationships, busy quickly turns into inconsistency.  I rewrote a book {check it out here}, we changed our client management system, the holidays, my other obligations… the list could go on and on.  But none of that matters to you and it shouldn’t.  If I want conversation and engagement, I have to show up and be consistent!


This blog is designed to be a place to share ideas and advice on living our best lives and having even better relationships but I haven’t always been regular in my posting and that gets in the way of our meaningful discussion.


So here is my new commitment to you- I will be consistently showing up to share my thoughts and advice with you and eager to hear from you  at least twice a month for the rest of 2014.


I believe that when we commit to change it’s crucial to outline a plan for change.  So for all of you who may be thinking that you have some relationships where you’ve dropped the ball and could work on showing up and being consistent- here are my steps to being more present and consistent in any relationship.


  1. Acknowledge that you’ve come up short.  That’s what this post is all about.  Don’t make excuses for not being there for someone, just apologize and move forward.  There are always “good” reasons for not doing something but that doesn’t change how it feels when you don’t show up for someone.  Unless you are ill or incapacitated in some way, you can always show up even if it’s only in some small way.
  2. Set a realistic first step toward change.  I could have promised weekly blog posts or new videos every day but that’s not realistic.  It’s important to set a reasonable expectation in every relationship.  When you let people know what they can expect to get from you, they can decide if it’s enough for them.  Don’t promise the moon or you are going to be back to step #1 in no time.  Start small, see what happens.
  3. Show up… and then keep showing up.  It really is just that simple.  Look at me, I’m writing a blog post today… I’m here.  The way to change a behavior in a relationship is to simply start doing something different.  Today I’m writing.  Sometime before February 28 I will write again.  The chances are that I will write again this week and probably next week but the most important part is that I show up and then do it again.  The more often you find small ways to engage in a relationship, the easier it is to keep it going.
  4. Ask for feedback and be open to adjustments.  Once you have started to do things differently, you can check in with the other person to see if they notice the change.  Do they like having you around more?  Is your idea of “showing up” the same as their idea of it?  If your goal is to nurture a relationship then you have to seek out feedback and be flexible to doing things differently as time goes by.

So there you have it.  My 4 steps for learning to show up and be consistent in relationships.  Do you have a relationship where you feel that you have dropped out of sight for too long?  What’s the hardest part about re-engaging and trying to be more consistent with that relationship?

I’d also love to hear what you think about my plans to be more consistent here on the blog.  How often do you want to hear from me?  Are there things you would like me to talk about this year?  Tell me all your thoughts in the comments below.