Let’s face it… money+ relationships is almost always a recipe for debate. {and by debate I mean conflict}

Money is an emotionally charged topic and one that is often tied to issues of power and control in your relationship.  Even if you never thought about it before, I bet that if you are honest right now you would have to admit that at some point or another you or your partner {probably both of you} have used money to control a situation or get your way.


As the saying goes… “he who has the gold, makes the rules.” 

Unfortunately that’s not a formula for a happy and equitable romance.  The good news is that in love and in life the real gold {i.e. power} is knowledge  and self-awareness.


Understanding your finances, from both a practical and emotional perspective, can go a long way to improving your relationship and your credit score.


But what happens when one person is using your spending style against you?  For nearly 1 in 10 couples there is some form of financial bullying happening in their relationship.  This pattern of making a partner feel guilty or constantly questioning their financial moves can easily lead to conflict and ultimately the end of the relationship.  That’s not to say you should just spend with reckless abandon, but you do need come to some understanding of how to effectively deal with finances as a team.

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This clip from the Today Show earlier this week offers some insight on the issue of financial bullying and can be a great springboard for conversation in your relationship.  And with the holiday shopping season right around the corner, this is the perfect time to start addressing those financial debates.

If you’re looking for more help to deal with finances in your relationship check out these sites below or contact us to schedule a counseling or coaching session with one of our relationship experts.


This website was created by a group of professionals that identify themselves as financial therapists, professionals that join financial eduction with family therapy.  Some of the members are from Kansas State University, the birth place of what may be the first financial therapy clinic which offers families and couples therapy and financial planning services in a holistic environment.  This website, although a work in progress, has links to interesting articles and other resources including the Journal of Financial Psychology.

Michelle Singletary

Washington Post columnist and featured on many national media outlets, Michelle Singletary offers a no-nonsense, old school wisdom approach to financial freedom.  While the website does not focus specifically on women and relationships, it offers a great deal of financial tools and articles you can use.  The topics of her Washington Post column vary across the entire financial spectrum and with a little searching you can find information on nearly any issue that is of concern to you.

{Please note that if you are in a relationship where you have no access to financial resources or feel that you must do things for your partner in order to get access to even small amounts of money, you may have crossed the line from bullying to abuse.  Please visit National Network to End Domestic Violence to learn more and get help.}