Are you wondering how to reconnect with the one you love?

Sometimes it feels like our relationships are on hold. We sleep in the same bed, eat meals together, pay bills, parent, etc. but it feels like something is missing. We keep saying to ourselves that when things slow down we will have time together.

I don’t know about you but, I have yet to find a time when ‘life’ slows down.

Have we lost our ability to truly connect with one another? Do you find yourself seeking out extracurricular activities (i.e. sports for the kids, taking on more projects at work, etc.) so you can continue to avoid what’s really going on? Are we intentionally ignoring our partner to avoid conflict, which is deeply rooted in our own insecurities?

We may not realize what we are doing or not doing to be intentional but what is happening is we are pulling away from our partners. It is a negative cycle, which can be difficult to break free from.

[Tweet “Disconnection between partners often occurs gradually.”]

The couple slowly notices the changes. They may notice they begin to argue more which in turn creates more distance and avoiding each other to prevent conflict. Arguing is often a symptom of deeper emotions resulting from the hurt and sadness about the disconnection.

Unfortunately, we know couples can wait an average of six to seven years before seeking help. Whoa! That’s a long time to build up resentment.

Can you truly come back together after years of avoiding each other? Many of the clients I have met over the years hope that things will get better without outside help. Can it? Have you found it easy to approach your partner about going to counseling? Usually one partner is on board while the other continues to ignore what’s really going on.

So, how do you reconnect after weeks, months, and years, of disconnection?

Here are some tips on how to reconnect with your partner whether you take the step to seek professional help or not.  Take it slow and test the waters before diving in which may result in more emotional injuries. Allow yourself to be vulnerable, putting the resentments to the side, while you first begin the reconnection process. Try and initiate something the two of you can do together.

  1. Start by giving a compliment to your partner every day
  2. Have meals together without distractions (i.e. kids, electronics, etc.)
  3. Reminisce about happier times in your relationship
  4. Discuss the idea about going on a date together-begin dialogue about what that would
    look like.
  5. Create an opportunity to touch your partner (on the back, knee, and arm. This just may lead to a hug or even a kiss).
  6. Commit to taking a walk together every day
  7. Find humor in something and share it with your partner
  8. Get your flirt on. You’re already feeling vulnerable so put yourself out there and flirt with your partner.

Do you have other simple ways to bridge the gap between you and your partner when things get rocky?  Tell me about it in the comments below.

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